Arthur Gumshop's Web Blog Thingy
Arthur Gumshop's Web Blog Thingy
Featuring lashings of sex, death, and cheese sandwiches
24/08/08... Having come this far. through life's agonies and ecstasies, I can finally see what it's all about. The whole reason for living is....... I've forgotten what I was going to say now. Anyway this page is all about me! What's that you say? You got a problem with that? Well you can go off and make your own bloody page you know. I expect you're much more interesting than me, with your bloody exotic holidays, and your seven million Olympic gold medals, and your plastic bowl that the pope once sicked up in. Well I may be a boring old fart with bad teeth, no money, and no prospects, but I've got something you'll never have, and that's a plastic bowl that my cat once sicked up in!
There's an old folk song that asks, "Where Have all the flowers gone.......?" Well I don't know, do I .....? I mean... I expect the common market had them banned or somthin' wot you askin' me for? Well anyway where was I..... What I was goint to say was..... and another thing, that's a stupid quetion anyway 'cos all the flowers haven't gone have they. I mean I can see one right now... out of my window.... look.... big yollow thing stikin' out of the ground.
Anyways so what is the answer to life? Well it's not British Telecom, I'll tell you that for nothing. I called them up,the other day, about my bad leg, and they where no help at all.. Anyway I need to get up and have a slash now. That's better so where was I.. Did you know that 50% of all the men in the UK are Mormons. It's a known fact. And the other 70% are Peruvian herring farmers.. It's a fact. I'm going to bed now. That's better, nothing like a good night's kip to perk you up is there. I had a dream that a big grape was chasing me down our street. My screams woke up half the neibours.
I 'll leave you with one last question which has allways perplexed me... why dose my carpet always get dirty after several months?
Yours truly Arthur Gumshop ,
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25/08/08... Pain in left testicle today. Must be more carfull with sledgehammer in future. Read in dialy mail today that my facts about the male population of Briton are wrong and that 200% of them are actually immigrants. The other three and a half percent are speed traps. who would have thought....
Our Shirley allways said that beef made her fart, but I found out today she's been swallowing unexploded beer can widgets so burgers are back on the menu (dose anyone know a good plumber by the way?)
Placing crisps under you armpits keeps flies away.
Yours truly Arthur Gumshop
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If you sit in a darkened room, shut your eyes tight, and consentrate very hard on the feeling in your left thumb, then your family will start to talk about you in unkind and disparaging terms. It's true, I've tried it.
Last night Malcome sead that George Bush was a compleat tit. Well I guess I've been looking in the wrong girly mags cos I don't think he looks like the body part that Dave compared him with either.